Melancholia
by the-mpreg-spirit
Summary: JPSB. Mpreg. Slash. After the Summer throw their lives into utter chaos, Sirius and James learn the hard way that friendships change as you get older... and not always for the better. REWRITTEN
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to xBrinaxx, a fan of my writing, good author and fellow Sirius/James shipper. (Where've you gone?)

(Re-written)

* * *

**mel·an·cho·li·a** (_n.)-_ Extreme depression characterized by tearful sadness and irrational fears.

* * *

"Come on Prongs! Read it!" Sirius said to his friend, stuffing the pamphlet into his face. It was a hot and sticky summer afternoon and this was the last thing James felt like dealing with. It pushed it away. "Please?" 

James sighed and snatched the pamphlet away, looking at the first few lines for a few seconds before shoving it back.

"No Padfoot, I'm not performing some wacky tests or participating in your schemes, I'm working." James said irritably as he punched something into the muggle machine, trying to figure out how to work it. He would probably earn more pay and do a better job at wizard job, plus something on his resume after school, but after comparing it with the humiliation of everyone at school knowing, he'd decided it wasn't worth it.

"It's not wacky!" Sirius protested. "It's probably not even going to do anything to you."

"Exactly, because I'm not doing it."

"But look at the pay, 5 Galleons per test!" Sirius protested once more. "Think of all the pretty things you could seduce Evans with it..." He poked at the pamphlet again. He knew James' weak spots and poked at it. James felt his resolve crumbling and held onto it best he could.

"Nice try, but you're on your own for this one. Besides, I already have a job." He said somewhat remorsefully (only having a job because his parents had made him take it by cutting off his pocket money and refusing to buy him a new broom) and Sirius, spirits still not dampened, turned around and started to walk out.

"Okay... enjoy your Summer working Prongs..." He said in a singsong voice as he smirked at the ugly purple uniform his friend had to wear. He was about to exit the restaurant when James called him back, unable to handle the pressure. Sirius had know he would cave and James felt like cursing the smug look on his face as he returned.

James stared at his feet as he talked.

"I'll take the job with you." He said and Sirius screamed in triumph and laughter as he watched his friend blush, making some of the customers shoot him strange looks and stop eating. The ones in the queue behind him took a step back.

"Potter, what are you doing?" The manager, a big boy about nineteen or twenty asked him gruffly. The manager who'd picked on James since day one. James looked up into his purple moustachioed face. "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah, there is, I quit."

* * *

"You shouldn't have done that." 

"What? It's hot. And who doesn't like icecream?"

"I'm sure he likes icecream Sirius, just not on his head."

"Well he was going to hit you. And you did call him a Prat, so you started it." James just shook his head. "So, are we going to do this?"

"I obviously have no choice. I'm not in the mood to face the wrath of my parents unemployed..." James said as they walked down the empty muggle street, crumpled pamphlet in his hand. "It's not fair, why don't you have to get a job but I do?" He complained and Sirius smirked and just pulled a tongue at him.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

"Now, take this every morning for the next two weeks. It will re-fill itself," The man said putting a large bottle of potion into James's hands. "We'll pay you six Galleons when you report back to us any side effects or discomforts you experience." He said and James nodded. He looked at curiously. It was a deep purple, the color robes you'd expect Dumbledore to wear.

"What does it do?" He asked and the employee scowled at him.

"You don't need to know that." He said, looking down at James persecutingly. "Just drink it. And don't even think about not taking it, we'll know!" He snapped.

James nodded again and walked out of the room quickly. He looked around and saw Sirius standing in the corridor looking at a small piece of paper.

"Hey Padfoot!" James called and Sirius looked up, crunching the piece of paper in one of his fists.

"Hey Prongs, how'd it go?" Sirius said as he walked over to James.

"Alright, you were right though, he was a grouchbag, what potion did you get?" James asked as they walked out the door of Avlern's Charm and Potion factory. (Helping everyday witches and wizards)

"Didn't, I got a charm." He said looking at paper again. "Every evening for three weeks, point my wand at myself and say 'fécondite'."

"It sounds odd, what does it do?" Sirius shrugged as they walked.

"Didn't asked, but I get twenty Galleons." He said and James's eyes widened.

"Why do you get twenty for three and I get six for a fortnight?" He said and Sirius laughed and shrugged.

"Don't know, but we had better get home. Remember your mum's warning about being late for dinner?" Sirius said as he looked at his watch given to him by Remus for his last bithday ('maybe you'll be on time for once, but let's not go asking for miracles.') He said the two boys sped up their walk to a run, hurrying back to Potter manor where James, his parents, and now Sirius, lived.

James watched the potion sitting on his sink for at least ten minutes the next morning. He could pretend he took it, but then they'd know and he wouldn't get his money. And if that happened, he could kiss goodbye to an place on Puddlemere (there were always rumors of a scout visiting the Hogwarts matches and he couldn't impress as much on his old shooting star).

Finally, he uncorked the bottle of potion and with a deep breath, swallowed it all. It wasn't as bad as he thought and once it was now, he didn't feel any different.

He put the bottle back on the shelf of the bathroom he now shared with Sirius and brushed his teeth. When he got out of the bathroom, Sirius was sitting on his bed, looking the piece of paper, twirling his wand in his hand

"Done it yet?" Sirius nodded and looked up "How you feeling? Any different yet?" Sirius stood up slowly and stretched..

"Not much, just bloated, like when you have an extra helping of pudding after the feast." He said, a hand holding his stomach. "What about you?" James shook his head.

As he changed into a pair of pants, he watched as Sirius stretched again, clicking his neck and removing his shirt. James felt weird as he looked at Sirius's body. The girls in school didn't dream over himfor nothing. He had filled out well, broad-shouldered with strong arms from playing beater on the house Quidditch team. His stomach may have felt bloated, but it was far from it. James snapped out of his trance and quickly shook it off.

But couldn't help feel disappointed as his friend put his robes back on.

Sirius waved his hand in front of his friend's face. "Hello? Prongs? You there?" He said in a singsong voice James found very pretty and alluring. He knocked on James's head with a fist. He snapped out of it again and stood up straighter. "Finally! what took so long? Day dreaming about Evans again?" Sirius asked him jesteringly.

"yeah, sure." He lied. "Now let's go to breakfast, I'm starving!" James said nervously, changing the subject beofre anything was sad that would be regretted. He said it a little too quickly and Sirius eyed him before playfully pushing him towards the door and slapping his bum.

James felt a strong warmth in him... But soon as it came, it turned into a shock and he jumped backwards.

"What did you do?" He asked his friends and Sirius laughed but looked at him like he was crazy.

"I don't know...What did I do?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"You shocked me!"

"I did?" He said curiously. James nodded but Sirius waved him off and shook his head.

"You've gone mental." He said and looked to be in thought. "Well, of course you always have been, now it's just open for everyone to see." Sirius said and avoided James's swat at his head before being chased down the stairs to breakfast.

James soon forgot about the shock, but couldn't stomach the slightly queasy feeling when Sirius smiled at him...


	3. Chapter 3

So it took so long, this chapter has been ready for ages but it was on my old computer and I've just re-typed it out on the new laptop.

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Three weeks later... 

James leant back on his chair, rocking its two back legs as he watched Sirius and his mother do the dinner dishes. Sirius accidentally dropped the cloth and bent over to pick it up, giving James an excellent view of his ass.

James had heard and seen how it drove all the girls at school crazy, never did he dream it would have the same effect on him. But much to his dismay and pleasure, he had been looking at Sirius somewhat differently. It gave him these feelings, the feelings he would get in his chest everytime he looked at Lily Evans.

He looked away from the glory of Sirius's ass as he stood up. James got such a fright that the chair toppled over backwards. Both his mother and Sirius turned around and James got up and blushed.

"I'm going to my room." He said and ran out the kitchen. Before he knew it, he had reached the third floor landing. He slammed his door and looked to see that his eyes weren't fooling him. They weren't.

He had an erection.

He had got a boner from his best friend. Not only that, his male best friend. What was wrong with him? He was straight, he liked Lily Evans, didn't he? The door opened and he quickly and painfully threw himself on his bed, hiding his stiff member from view.

"Prongs, are you alright?" Sirius asked as he walked into the room and saw James lying flat on his stomach on his bed, looking very uncomfortable.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" He said and Sirius sat on the edge of the bed.

"No reason James, I'm always here if you want to talk about something. He said and took his friend's hand.

"Thanks Padfoot!" James said and they stared into each other's eyes. Hazel brown meeting dark gray. Both turned their heads and closed their eyes when there was a loud thump. They looked down to see James's pet puffskien, which he had had since he had received it for his 8th birthday, jumping up and down on the floor next to them. It jumped up onto the bed.

"Go away Pinky!" James said and pushed it off the bed. "Now where were we?" He said and Sirius smirked before both picked up where they had left off and kissed passionately before pulling each other's clothes off and having mind-blowing sex...

* * *

Next chapter: Lily gets a surprise on the train and how to Remus and Peter react to their friends relationship? 

**Thank yous:**

**Etrym**: I will, sorry it took so long. Thanks for reviewing.

**Reese:** It's ok, thanks Reesy!

**Katriana souless:** really?

**Legolas 19**: Ok, thanks for reviewing!

**Amy**: I'm going to, watch out for Miss T M spirit, cause it'll be on my book someday.

**xBrinax:** Why would I mind? Hugs I love my Brina! I'm not really awesome, I think you are! You're the cool one; I love your story!

**Kurtcobain4eva**: how could I disagree with you my friend? Nirvana rule! Kurt Cobain was hot!

**SweetLorraine:** Thank you!

**Madisonfairie:** Yeah, most probably, but I can dream, can't I? Oh my god, you've just inspired me for a new one one-shot, review again and I'll dedicate it to you!

ReViEw PlEaSe


	4. Chapter 4

Remus Lupin warily moved down the corridor of the Hogwarts express, the tiredness showing on his face as it always was two days after the full moon.

"Lupin!" He heard a voice call and looked behind him to see Lily Evans standing their, already dressed in her robes and her hands on hips.

"Hey Lily, how was your summer? I j-" He asked and she cut him off.

"Enough small talk, where's Potter?" She snapped and shifted her eyes. "He hasn't asked me out once todayand I think he's up too something."

"I don't know where he is. I'm looking for him myself." He said. They found Peter on the other end of the train being bullied some Slytherins. After getting rid of them by threatening with detention, they went on searching compartments. They came to a compartment near the driver and opened it to find James with his back to them, snogging someone. Lily rolled her eyes like she had expected it. Remus coughed and James turned round, breaking apart from his companion, who rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hey Evans! He said calmly. "Moony, Wormtail."

"Which girl is it this time, Potter?" Evans asked sarcastically and all three nearly jumped out of their skin when the person sat up and looked at them grinning.

"Girl? Now Evans, I'm offended, really!" Sirius said in mock hurt. Lily, stunned by this, quickly mumbled something and hurried away. Once Peter closed the door behind him, Sirius and James both burst into a fit of wild laughter. Remus and Peter just sat down and looked at their friends.

"Did you see her face?" James said once he was able to breathe.

"Yeah, I know!" Sirius replied and the other two caught on, not sure what was so funny, but neither wanting to be left out.

"So, it was just a gag to scare Evans then?" Remus said, somewhat relieved. "It's strange, for a moment I actually believed you two were, you know…" He trailed off and Peter nodded in agreement.

"Me too! It's nothing like that, just a prank." He said, almost as if to reassure himself and Sirius cuddled closer to James, straddling his hips and rubbing against him.

"Now, I wouldn't say that, would you Padfoot?" James said with a grin and Sirius rubbed noses with him.

"Of course not Prongs." And as they kissed again, Remus and Peter's eyes widened like saucers.

* * *

As the next few weeks went past, all of the marauders discovered exactly how different being a seventh year at Hogwarts was. Lily Evans was avoiding them after the embarrassing incident on the train and it made their pranks on Snivellus Snape, Filch and other victims a lot easier, which was evened out by Sirius and James's inability to go ten minutes without wanting to jump each other. 

"Ok, we'll throw it on the count of three, Filch will come past, and get covered in Dungbombs. He'll slip and then…Will you two stop snogging and pay attention?" Remus said as they hid behind the statue of Gorgon the Gigantic next to a long staircase, waiting for Filch to come past. Peter after three weeks was still not used to his friends intimate behaviour and inched further away from the couple, who'd got bored somewhere during Remus reciting the plan.

"You know, maybe we should just forget this, doing it another time." Remus said and Sirius pulled away with some difficulty from James, who was reluctant to let go.

"No, we can do it now, go on Remus." Sirius said and Remus paused for a minute before carrying on. James was listening at the beginning, but slowly drifted away, staring at Sirius again. Without warning, he leapt forward, knocking Sirius into Peter, who backed off into Remus, who fell out from behind the statue and down the stairs, shortly followed by the other three landing on top of him.

It was just their luck that Filch came round the corner a moment later. Remus groaned under the weight of his friends.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Filch said in a dangerous whisper, looking at the dungbombs that had fallen out of Sirius's pockets. "Caught in the act. We're in trouble today boys…"

* * *

They got back to the dormitory an hour later with their dungbombs exchanged for a month of detention. Peter threw himself down onto his bed and groaned. Remus instead, looked to Sirius and James. 

"Hope you're happy with yourselves."

"Me?" Sirius protested. "Blame Mr Horny here for trying to get me unexpectedly." He pointed over his shoulder to James, who wrapped his arms round him from behind and kissed his neck.

"You don't seem to mind it usually." He whispered huskily.

"Who said I mind it now?" Siriusreplied turning round and letting James kiss him before dragging him to his bed.

Peter, whose bed was next to James, turned his head away and made a sound that sounded like 'yerrgh!' Before pulling his drapes closed. Remus soon followed the suit, but none of them got much sleep that night, Sirius never being a shrinking violet, even in sex, and his loud moans echoing through the dormitory.

* * *

It's been such a long time since I updated this. I've started writing this again recently and havewritten aboutsix chapters so far. They're getting much longer because of my new way of planning the stories. Please don' forget this story, review. 

**_Thank yous:_**

**KhakiBlueSocks: **I know. Mind blowing James/Sirius sex! Woohoo! What's too raunchy? It didn't go into detail, much. Ooh, thank you. Whatever happened to you? You never review anything anymore **cries  
****Kitty minky: **Yay! **hugs back  
****Miru Amai: **Oops, I'm actually trying to write more details in later chapters, oh well!  
**XBrinaX: **Hey, you haven't updated for a while. Thank you! **Blushes** I'm thinking of taking some of the less popular ones down, I have so much I want to write I cant keep up anymore! But I'm keeping this one especially for you!  
**Squiddie03:** Thank you!  
**Flip: **Yeah, it's almost a year, but it's here…  
**CrazedLunatic:** Thanks!  
**Hobey-ho: **I read this fabulous poem 'hail to the bum', don't remember the author, look it up on search, about Sirius's ass! It's so hilarious and now I always think of Sirius with a hot arse!  
**Dortha**: I feel special, thank you!  
**Devilburns: **Thanks. Next update will be sooner.  
**Yuzznut**: It's all planned and it gets much darker! **laughs evilly  
****Kaeria: **You should be, but it's not good, trust me!  
**Crescomelloin:** All in good time, friend!  
**GraceandPipp:** Will do!  
**What Love is:** It wasn't that abrupt, but anyway.  
**Heavenlyevil: **I will, I'm doing exactly that.

**Btw: Thinking of changing the title, any suggestions are welcome!**


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks following that, the pair's affection and lust for one another hadn't cooled off and while Remus and Peter were in the common room finishing off homework on a Friday night; they were up in Sirius's bed.

James was lying under his friend and enjoying the feeling of the talented tongue in his mouth when he felt a warmth go through him and like those few weeks ago, a sudden shock. He pulled away from Sirius as the electricity pulsed through his tongue.

"Ow!" He turned his head away.

"What? Did I bite too hard?" Sirius asked and James shook his head.

"No, it's not you, it's just, never mind..." He said, putting his fingers back through Sirius's Hair and pushing him forward back to his waiting lips. There was a sudden change in this and James gagged. Sirius didn't seem to notice and James bit him hard. He finally pulled away.

"What was that for?" Sirius asked and James looked at him strangely, feeling dizzy. "James, baby, are you ok?" Oh god, his best friend calling him baby. His best friend's tongue down his throat. His best friend lying naked pressed against him. James sat up, pushing Sirius off. Sirius looked at him in confusion as he stood up. "What's wrong? Prongs?" He said and James just shook his head.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong." He lied.

"Then come sit." Sirius said, patting the spot next to him and grinning, his eyes sparkling. James shook his head.

"No, I can't, not right now, not tonight. I need to go for a walk." He said and threw on a robe and his invisibility cloak over himself and went to the door.

"Oh, ok, want me to come?" Sirius said and James shook his head.

"It's fine, Sirius, I need to think." James said, slamming the door behind him. He quickly made his way up to the astronomy tower. What was wrong with him? He'd spent the last month and a half shagging his best friend and yet he felt like he'd just woken from a dream. This was Sirius he'd been with! The thought alone of being with another boy disgusted him, but his best friend. James sat on the ledge, sighing and trying to think. The door opened and another person came in. James was grateful they couldn't see him.

They sat down on the window ledge, feet hanging over and a cat held tightly in their arms to stop it jumping. They looked up and James saw it was Lily Evans, she had tears running down her cheeks and wiped them away with one fist, sniffing quietly.

"What do I do Portia?" She said to the white kitten, holding it up to her face. "I've missed my chance with him, he's with Black now and nothing I do is going to change that." She said and James realised she was talking about him. The cat merely meowed and licked her face. She laughed and cuddled it closely. She went on talking to the cat for hours, about all sorts of things and when she eventually left, Portia the kitten sleeping in her arms, James felt torn.

He could stay with his best friend and see how his feelings changed, or he could dump Sirius, probably lose his friendship, and ask Evans out. After all he'd just heard she was bound to say yes. Deciding to think about it before making any rash decisions, he left the tower that night with a very heavy heart.

* * *

He woke the following morning as the morning light streamed through the window onto his face. He turned over and sat up, yawning and scratching the back of his head. He heard footsteps and reached for his glasses, stretching his arms out above his head as he yawned again. 

Looking in front of him, he saw Sirius walking over in a dressing gown. James guessed by the way it was sticking to his body, he'd just come out the shower.

"You're finally up." Sirius stated and James tried to ignore the same lustful glint he had had in his eye the night before.

"Yeah, where is everyone?" He asked and saw that the other beds were already made and that the dorm was empty besides the two of them. "What time is it?"

"About eleven. Wormtail and Moony went to Hogsmeade, so we have the whole day to ourselves." He said coming forward and stroking a finger down James's cheek. James was feeling extremely uncomfortable as Sirius sat on his lap, nothing under the dressing gown, and pressed a kiss to his lips so he lay back on the bed on top of him. His fingers reached for James's pyjama bottoms and as he felt the erection of his friend press into his stomach, James couldn't take anymore.

He sat up, like the night before and moved Sirius out the way as he stood.

"Where are you going now? Do you still need to think some more?" He asked and James was about to nod and say yes, but saw the sad look on Sirius's face.

"No love, I just have to go see those people about the potion I had to take." He lied, noticing how strange those words sounded coming from his mouth, and Sirius's face brightened.

"Ok, have fun and hurry back." He grinned and as James got dressed, took the piece of parchment from his trunk and left, thought about how Sirius wouldn't take a hint.

* * *

"So, Professor, can I go?" James asked Professor Mcgonagall as he sat in her office, having just explained the situation of the jobs he and Sirius had taken over the summer and how he needed to report back to them. She sat in silence for a moment. 

"I warn you about these types of offers Mr Potter."

"Sirius found the pamphlet."

"I figured that Black would be the one to want to do this." She said, shaking her head at the thought of her reckless student. " They may seem like easy money now, but they can wreak havoc on you in later life."

"Like how?"

"There was one in the prophet about ten years back, I don't think you'll have heard of it. A lovely young lady tried one of these offers when she was Seventeen. She went to a healer when her and her husband were having trouble conceiving a child about seven years later."

"It didn't…" James whispered, his hand covering his mouth in shock.

"It did. Froze her ovaries over. Rendered her completely sterile. Trying to get an egg out of them would be like trying to get blood out of a stone. It was a big court battle, huge. But she'd signed the release papers so they couldn't do anything. I think eventually a healer managed to perform a surgery to unfreeze them, but it was a long and painful process from what I've heard. Expensive too. All for ten galleons." She shook her head.

"I, I never realised that it could…." He broke off and Mcgonagall looked into his eyes.

"Go back to them and get your money, but I think you and Black will both understand why I don't want either of you trying anymore potions or charms from them." She said and James nodded and stood up out of the chair. "Use my floo, Potter, and try not to get ash on the carpet."

* * *

"Anything else you've been feeling since you took the potion?" A person from the company asked James and he shrugged. 

"Not really. Should I be feeling different?"

"No, you shouldn't."

"Then why ask the question?" James asked the man, the one who'd given him the potion last time and he leant on his elbows, steepling his fingers.

"We have many people come in here Mr Potter and try to lie to us about the effects of the potion. It's been tried before, by officials of the company, who were all carefully monitored for unusual behaviour. And if you come in here, and tell us you had a higher sex drive, you're not going to get you money, are you?" James nearly interrupted as he thought about how much he had wanted to rip Sirius's clothes off and do him on the table in almost every class for the past few weeks.

He opened his mouth but closed it again and the man smirked and urged him on. "Yes?"

"I have had , higher sex drive, since I took it." He mumbled, his cheeks going red as he looked at the floor.

"And you're in a sexual relationship?" James nodded. "With who?"

"What?"

"I don't want names, what was your relationship previously with this person. Friend? Roommate? Someone you were with over the summer?" James was stunned at the accuracy of his guesses.

"Yes, he's all three." The man took a bag out from the side of the desk and gave it to James, marking something down on a sheet on his desk.

"Thank you Mr Potter, you can floo from the reception or go down the corridor to the right for a new potion or charm." He said as a dismissal and James stood, starting towards the door but turning around before he left.

"What potion was it?" He asked and the man didn't look up from his desk.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I want to know how you knew all those things!" The man looked up at him, not angry, but almost like he pitied him.

"Sit down Mr Potter, it's a long explanation…"

* * *

Ooh, Trouble is brewing. Any predictions? Anyone? Thanks to all who reviewed this!

**Btw:** Tell me what you think of my new title. It will fit more as the story moves on...


	6. Chapter 6

James walked down the corridor, almost numb with all he'd just heard. How would he tell Sirius? He'd never speak to him again. To know he had been done who knows how many times by a friend not with feelings for him, but under the influence of a new type of extra strength aphrodisiac potion. The man had told him it would wear off soon. James guessed it already had, the main reason he couldn't kiss him without feeling disgusted.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice Lily Evans, her arms full of Hogmeade purchases, until he bumped into her and she dropped them all, one sounding when it hit the floor like glass breaking.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Evans, let me get those for you." He said apologetically, getting down on his knees and gathering the boxes as quickly as he could. Evans joined him in piling them up and she unwrapped the last broken one sadly. James flicked his wand over it.

"_Repairo"_ He said and the pieces came together, good as new. She stared in amazement.

"Wow, where'd you learn that?"

"My dad taught it to me ages ago, useful for your glasses, especially after a rough Qudditch match." He grinned, his hand reaching to mess up his hair. He stopped himself at last second and Evans must have noticed because she smiled at him.

"Not messing up your hair anymore?" She said, clearly amused.

"Trying not to."

"You've really changed, Potter, even I have to admit it." She grinned, standing up and nearly dropping a package again. James caught two of them as they fell.

"I'm on my way back the common room, I can take some of those so you don't drop them again." He said and she passed a few more to him.

"Really? Thank you! You're an angel." She said and they walked up the floor to the portrait, talking and laughing.

"Well Potter, I'll see you Monday then?" She said as he gave put purchases in her arms once again.

"Pixies. Please, call me James." He said holding the portrait open to let her go through first.

"Alright, James." She said, trying to see how it sounded. "Call me Lily." It was then more than ever that he wanted to be with her, Sirius's friendship or not…

----

After the meeting with Lily Evans in the corridor, James did honestly try to break up with Sirius, who seemed too busy trying to snog him to notice how distracted he was. He would have asked Remus for help, but it was nearing the full moon and as always around this time, Remus was jumpy and snapped at anyone. It was best to stay out of his way.

Monday night came and Remus was excused from detention due to a migraine while Peter was ordered for his detention to spend the night taking care of him. James was deep in thought as he came down the stairs from the boy's dorms, Sirius trying to take his hand while James tried to pull it away without making a big fuss in front of the younger Gryffindors in the common room. There were loud giggles by the fire and James looked to one of the armchairs to see Lily looking at him, tears in her eyes. He wondered why until he realised Sirius had grabbed hold of the hand tightly and was planting kisses on it. He guessed that he knew why they were giggling.

"Sirius!" He scolded, pushing Sirius off and storming out. Sirius didn't catch up to him till he had reached Filch's office. During the time they had to scrub the floor of the dungeons, they didn't talk much, but James caught Sirius occasionally shooting him glances, which he didn't return. After about three hours on their hands and knees, Filch told them to leave and be back the following evening at Eight 'o clock sharp.

Sirius finally seemed to have realised his boyfriend was ignoring his advances and didn't make an effort to touch James, just listened to what he was telling him about the girl with the frozen ovaries that Mcgonagall had told him about.

"I don't think I'm going to go back their again. My dad won't be too happy if I can't produce an heir someday." James said and Sirius shrugged.

"I wasn't planning on going again once I get my money." He said. "So no problem then. Is this why you've been ignoring me these past few days? You thought I would care if you didn't go back." He said, latching onto James's arm.

"I haven't been ignoring you, I've just been…" He trailed off.

"Thinking?"

"Yeah, thinking."

"Well, all that thinking must have been hard work for you." Sirius said flirtingly. "Maybe I can help relax you." He pushed James back and against the wall, kissing him deeply. James found it wasn't so bad if he pretended that it was someone else. That's how he found himself naked inside one of Filch's broom closets with Sirius for what must have been many hours. As they fell over onto the floor, Sirius laughed and brought James back to reality.

"We'd better get back to the dormitory, someone's going to find us." James said, getting off Sirius. He felt for a switch and flipped it.

"Oh shit."

Sirius was still lying on the floor against a bucket, laughing almost hysterically. Most of the potions that had been on shelves around the walls had fallen, brooms were broken, the pieces scattered on the floor and the stuff lying next to Sirius, which he'd used as lube, seemed to be a jar of floor polish.

"We're dead if he catches us, get up!" James said, pulling Sirius up. "Get dressed! Hurry!" He whispered and Sirius didn't seem interested. He just fell against the door when James let him go and carried on laughing. "Sirius!"

"Ok, ok! I'm getting up, but come on, one more round won't hurt." He said standing then suddenly moving towards James, who moved back and slipped, falling on a bucket, which seemed to contain some sort of pink goo. "Oops!" Sirius started laughing again and James wondered if he had somehow got drunk on something in the cupboard. James did not find this funny and stood up, attempting to brush it off his robes. He glared at Sirius.

"It's over." Sirius seemed to sober up.

"W-what?"

"Between you and me, it's over!"

"But why?"

"I just, I don't feel for you."

"Was that what you were trying to say a half hour ago, because you didn't say it very well when you were tearing my clothes off! And a week ago when you wanted me to give you a blowjob under the table in your Arithmancy class, did you have feelings for me then?" James blocked his ears as Sirius babbled on and shook his head, trying to block it out.

"NO!" Sirius stopped and James looked at him, anger in his eyes. James saw a hurt look flash across his friend's face and couldn't take it. "I'll see you back in the dorm." He turned away and walked out of the broom closet. Sirius didn't follow.

James stayed up waiting for Sirius to come in, to explain to him what had happened, to tell him why they couldn't be together anymore. But Sirius never came.

It was only the next morning when James woke up and saw him across the dormitory, already dressed and making his bed with his back to him. James stood up and padded over to him. He put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sirius…" He said quietly and Sirius ignored him. "Come on Sirius, don't be like that."

"Like what? Sleeping with someone for two months and then telling them you don't have feelings for them?"

"It's better I told you now than later."

"You could have told me before I let you fuck me."

"You were the one who wanted to try those stupid potion testing jobs!" Sirius turned around angrily.

"That has absolutely nothing to do with this!"

"Wanna bet? They told me yesterday. What I've been taking, it's an aphrodisiac, a very strong one. The reason why I've wanted to jump you at every corner. You were the first person I saw after taking it." Sirius seemed extremely taken aback by this. "I'm guessing yours was too, after all, you couldn't really have felt something like that for me." James chuckled and didn't notice how Sirius turned back -to his bed, blushing and holding back the tears that had formed.

"Yeah." He said softly feigning a laugh and James stopped laughing.

"We're just going to put this all behind us. Forget it ever happened?"

"yeah."

"You know, it is pretty funny, I thought you actually had feelings for me. That would be totally gross." Sirius didn't reply to this and at that moment, Peter walked out of the bathroom.

"We're good Sirius," James said, putting his hand back on Sirius's shoulder. "Right?"

Sirius looked back to James and forced on his usual cheery smile.

"Yeah, we're good…"


	7. Chapter 7

James was a bit surprised at Sirius's calmness over the next few days. He hadn't told the others yet because Remus hadn't questioned him like James knew he would eventually. He didn't protest this, though he was a bit disappointed.

Once everyone knew, it would be okay for him to go out with Lily with out being seen or feeling too insensitive. And it seemed the more time he spent with her, the more he longed for that day.

Two weeks after finding out about the potion, things seemed to have gone back to normal as if it had never happened…

"Mr. Black."

Sirius was lying on his arms one Monday morning in Transfiguration, a lesson where everyone knew they had to pay attention. He looked up drowsily at Professor Mcgonagall as she called him.

"I'm sorry Professor… I'll listen now." She frowned and lifted his chin with her hand, her other hand on his forehead.

"You're burning up. Leave your things and go see Madam Pomfrey. And I shall be checking that you arrived." Without a word, wink or smile, he left the classroom.

When the class finished an hour later, they were walking out and a familiar voice called out to them.

"James!" Lily hurried over and James smiled. "How was your weekend?"

"It was okay. Yours?" Peter and Remus waited as the two made conversation.

"So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Friday? There's this little coffee shop…"

"Are you asking me out?" The two of his friends both looked up suddenly at James, who didn't seem to notice their stares.

"Maybe I am…"

"Aren't you and Black still…dating?"

"Nah… it ended a few weeks ago."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." James had the decency to look away from her for a moment. "Can I walk you to your dorm?"

As the two disappeared together, Remus and Peter looked at each other, neither having to say a word. They checked the dormitory.

Empty.

The Qudditch pitch. The astronomy tower. The kitchen. The grounds. The Honeyduke's cellar.

Sirius wasn't there either.

Deciding it couldn't hurt and feeling rather desperate, they made their way to the hospital wing. Imagine their shock when they saw Sirius lying on one of the beds, his back to them and the blankets pulled up to his neck.

"Class is over. You can stop faking it now." Remus said laughing and Sirius didn't move. "Sirius?" Putting a hand on his shoulder cautiously, he groaned and turned over, his face pale and his forehead sweaty.

"I'm not faking…" The two chuckled once again.

"You never get sick."

"There's a first time for everything, Mr. Pettigrew." She fluffed Sirius's pillows, putting a thermometer in his mouth. "He's staying here until after it breaks, and that could take anything up to week since we don't know what caused it."

As both sat down on the chairs next to his bed, he groaned again.

"Where's James?"

Remus looked at him for a moment before trying to let him down gently.

"He offered to walk Evans back to her dormitory."

"Why the sudden change?" He gave false laugh, which neither of his friends missed.

"She agreed to go out with him." The laugh vanished. Apparently he realized that pretending not be upset was useless. He shrugged half-heartedly

"We all knew it would happen someday. Good for Prongs!" There was an awkward silence.

"Why didn't you tell us you two broke up?" He shrugged again.

"I didn't think it was that important. It was so near the full moon anyway."

"What happened?"

"He dumped me."

"Why?!" Peter demanded, "You've barely been apart since school started!"

"That potion testing job we took over the Holidays? He said his was just an aphrodisiac. And once it started to wear off, well, he didn't need me anymore." Sirius scoffed.

"What was yours?"

"No idea. I don't think I really want to know anyway…"

"Are you going to be okay?" Sirius smiled at Peter, the hurt visible in his eyes.

"I'll get over it, don't worry..."

The two left the hospital wing a half-hour later discussing their friends and what they had just heard.

"I can't believe James would be so harsh. I mean, he's done it to girls before, but to Sirius?"

"I find it harder to see Sirius is upset. I've never seen him really sad over breaking up with someone. He just laughs and find another."

"I'm sure even Sirius can show more feelings than just happiness or anger, it just takes the right trigger." And though he didn't say, Remus got the feeling they were in for a lot of trouble now that James had pulled it.

* * *

James only got back to the dormitory late that night. He hadn't even realized the time until Lily had retrieved her watch from the pile of clothing dumped on the floor, after which both had hurriedly dressed and made an agreement to meet up the next Saturday.

What he didn't expect was two of his three friends sitting up waiting up for him. He subtly tried to cover the marks on his neck with his shirt collar, but Remus' sharp eyes had already spotted them.

"I know what you're thinking and i can explain. You see, Si-"

"Sirius already told us."

"Oh, right." James looked to the empty made-up bed closest to the bathroom. "Where is Padfoot anyway?"

"In the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey says he could be there till next week." James laughed at Remus' words and this angered Peter.

"He just didn't do his homework again. Sirius never gets sick. Where is he, really?"

"He really is there and he's really upset!" James and Remus were both surprised at Peter's unusual amount of backbone. "What kind of friend are you? Just dumping him like some dumb fifth year bird!" James had the decency to look ashamed of himself and in that moment managed to change the entire future. That tiny bit of confidence in Peter would be just enough to reject Lord Voldemort's offer in a dark alley just over three years in the future, even if he did lose his life for it.

"Well then how would you have done it, Mr. Sensitive?" James snarled as he regained his composure. Remus broke it up as Peter was about to respond.

"Shut up! Both of you." He shouted. "Arguing isn't helping the situation and and it sure as anything isn't helping Sirius." He looked at James.

"The damage is already done so we need to accept that. I think the most you can do is try to rebuild your friendship. It might take a while, but it's the best I can think of at the moment." James nodded. For the first time since it had happened, he'd thought about how Sirius must feel and understood why he was acting so oddly around him. And for the first time, he felt terrible about what he had done, even if he hadn't meant it.

* * *

He ignored Remus' look the next day when he politely refused their offer to go see Sirius with them during lunch, instead sitting next to Lily. He felt a bit bad when Peter told him that Sirius had been disappointed not to see him once again, but stuck to his plan.

* * *

It was two nights before James could get away from his friends. He didn't know why he felt the need to die it from them, but waited until they were both asleep anyway before slipping on his invisibility cloak and sneaking out of their dormitory.

It took him only a few minutes to decipher the lock on the hospital wing door, they often broke in to see Remus when Madam Pomfrey kept him there after the ful moons, and he opened it carefully.

He quickly spotted Sirius and made his way over to his bed carefully, (Yet another oddity of the boy, he could sleep through alarms, shaking and shouts that they were going to be late almost every day but the moment he sensed danger, he was up, wide eyed and wand at ready. James got the feeling it came from his family home and the vicious house elf) looking at his sleeping face.

As James watched him, he thought about how calm Sirius looked asleep and had to resist the temptation to poke him just to check he was still alive.

In all seriousness, James did feel worried for his friend. Sure, he'd gotten the flu before when someone in the house had caught it, (Who didn't really?) but he'd always seemed pretty healthy, more so than the rest of them and full of life. Now he looked sort of pale (well, paler than normal for an English boy) and worse than James had expected to see. He'd planned to not only apologize but ask him what'd he'd taken to fake it. He knew from looking at him that he wasn't.

He ran an invisible hand over his forehead and Sirius moved, his eyes opening slowly. James moved his hand and by the time Sirius was sitting up, looking around in confusion, James had disappeared out the door. Apologies could wait. He couldn't help think he was the cause of his illness somehow.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

It was only a week later that Sirius was released from the hospital wing. He came into the dormitory, by chance (good or bad), when only James was there on a quiet Friday evening. Lily was studying tonight. He looked up from his book as the older boy walked in.

Sirius stopped, bag over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to pierce James', however unintentional, and he soon looked away. Sirius walked to his bed.

"Hi..." James said, unsure what else wouldn't sound mocking or nasty or even pathetic. Sirius just looked at him again and James averted his eyes again, cheeks flushing red. Sirius just put his bag down and started unpacking.

"Hello James." It sounded cold and James knew it must be just as awkward for him.

"How are you feeling?" He didn't know why he wasn't just shutting up. His mouth wouldn't let him.

"A bit sore and nauseas, but Madam Pomfrey says that it'll fade out in the next days." Their eyes met again for a moment and Sirius gave a small nod. James came forward to help him.

"What was wrong with you anyway? Or doesn't she know?"

"Yeah, she does," He hesitated for a long moment and looked at James. "Floor polish."

James just blinked.

"And she knows how it got there."

"How did she find that out?"

"Well she was doing tests on me and found that something had ended up infected, down there, and was making me sick. And she kind of took a few, wild guesses, from there..." He turned bright red. James groaned

"I'm never going to be able to look at her again." he said as he buried his face in his hands.

"Yeah well I had to have her checking up on me every hour for three more days. Still, it's nice to know you care." It was hard to tell how he meant it from his tone, but James knew and sighed.

"Look Sirius, I was going to come, I just didn't get a chance yet with h-" Sirius cut him off.

"You're telling me in over a week you couldn't spare ten minutes to come see if I was alright?" He said angrily.

"I've got homework, Prefect meetings and I've got to practice Quidditch. You know I want to get onto a team after school."

"Bullshit James." His ashamed look gave him away. "I knew it. Too busy with Evans... Is she using you for target practice? To try out new insults? We all know how fond she is of doi-"

"We're together, a relationship, a real one. And it would mean a lot to me if my friends would just accept that and be sup-" Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"What exactly is a 'real' relationship to you then? A pair of ti-"

"SHUT UP!" James roared, even surprised himself by it. "You can't begin to imagine how happy being with her makes me! You wouldn't know what it feels like to have something like it because no one's ever liked you enough to have a relationship about more than just sex or a grope of your arse!"

His chest was heaving and he was glaring at Sirius before he realized what he'd just shouted. Sirius hadn't moved, looking about to cry. James calmed down and came forward to try fix it. Sirius pulled back before he could touch him.

"Don't touch me."

"Padfoot..." He tried again, touching Sirius' arm.

"I said don't touch me!" He snapped and wrenched it back, storming out of the dormitory.

* * *

Remus climbed through the portrait and into the common room tiredly one late night a few weeks on. He'd started preparing for NEWTS early and was just returning from another study session in the quiet of the library. His eyes were drooping closed and as he shuffled up the stairs to the dormitory, didn't notice anything strange until he tripped on the third landing, effectively and accidentally kicking whatever was in his way. 

It yelped and Remus looked up from his position sprawled out on the floor. Sirius had dropped the invisibility cloak and was running up the stairs hurriedly. Remus frowned and picked up his books. As he stood he wondered why before looking down into common room and understanding.

Neither had noticed the commotion going on and Lily and James slept on on the couch near the fireplace, both naked and cuddled up together. He sighed and took James' cloak, following Sirius' path.

Peter was snoring peacefully from his bed and Remus looked around for Sirius. On a pure whim he headed into the bathroom and found the older boy leaning over the toilet, closing his eyes and leaning forward as his vomiting paused. Remus knelt next to him and rubbed his back, only seeing now that he was fighting off crying.

Sirius didn't often cry and Remus had a feeling he wasn't brushing off the short-lived relationship as easy as James. The way he was spying on him tonight only confirmed that he felt more for his best friend than he said. He wouldn't look at him.

"He's right. I am pathetic."

Heartbroken tears fell down into the water.

* * *


End file.
